Commentary # 2: Tiana Kentera

After reading your paper, I feel that it was clear, organized, and soundly developed. The first thing I noticed is that your paper needs a title which is fine because it was not mentioned until Tuesday, maybe you can write a title and add a colon then write “Rhetorical Critique on What’s so Bad about Hate.” You clearly state your position thesis and your position in the first paragraph, which you agree with Sullivan. You have really good transitional statements and topic sentences in all your paragraphs. You did a great job summarizing Sullivan’s article throughout your essay. You had good examples of ethos and pathos, but you could probably expand it a little more. In your essay I gave the success of your appeal to ethos a nine out of ten. I gave your ethos this score because I can see the ethical appeal to what Sullivan’s and you believe. Maybe you can expand on how the hate crimes debate sparked in the country. I liked how you used the correct quotations that help support position and you clearly illustrate how you quote’s and opinion fits into your ethos. I evaluated the success of your pathos and gave it a nine out of ten. I gave your pathos this score because I can see the emotions that people feel towards the horrific crimes. I liked the quotes, the explanations of the author, and your opinion to help support your stance of the rhetorical critique.  A thing you can also do is instead of mentioning ethos and pathos in the same paragraph you could separate the two into a paragraph of their own. I believe that you can persuade a neutral audience to agree the effectiveness of the authors claim with your examples of ethos and pathos. The thing you have to keep an eye out for is your logos. I evaluated the success of your logos and gave it a seven out of ten. The reason I gave you this score is because I felt that you could expanded more on your logos to make it a successful argument. You could maybe add a quote, so you could illustrate how logos can fit smoothly. I feel that you made a good choice by not adding the appeal of kairos. I feel this way because after reading your essay, kairos does not seem necessary. Well I hope this helps you with your revision. Good Luck!