Hello Amhed,
After reading your paper I realized you have
some good strategies for supporting your proposal, but you have to work on some
points. The first thing is that you do not have three relevant print sources or
a peer reviewed one, not only is it part of the requirements for your paper but
it can help a skeptical audience to be persuaded to use your proposal another
plus it can help you hit one thousand words.
I think you are on the right track because the beginning of your paper
it seems that you can convince readers that the problem can be solved by
banning it. As I mentioned earlier you need three relevant print sources not
only to meet the requirements but to help you to support your proposal so it
can persuade a skeptical audience. With this skeptical readers might agree with
you that there is a problem to that is worth solving, also this can provide
evidence that your solution would be feasible, workable and a skeptic would not
doubt the effectiveness of your solution. You have touched upon some skeptical
points that are negative consequences that could result from your proposal but I
would like you to expand on it maybe show some evidence that can outweigh the
negative consequences. For the question from the peer review paper I am not sure
if your proposal would cost too much or if the benefits could outweigh the cost
but you could try to find some information that can help you with your
proposal. I do agree with you that hate
crimes are bad but you should try and brainstorm ways that a skeptic could
counter propose you even if they agree that the problem exist and that the
solutions you gave might solve it. I do not know if this might help you in your
proposal, but you can write about the benefits that your proposal could bring
if it was approved, if there is evidence that can support this idea. Your essay
is very well written and you make good solutions for hate crime speeches but
you need to provide evidence to support your solutions and expand on the
counter proposals that people might bring up. Overall your paper was a good read and for me
it made me think about the issue in hand. Hopefully my commentary can help you
with organizing your final draft. Good Luck!
